Power Exchange vs. "Gift" Earning

I believe in educating myself. If I'm interested in exploring something new, I want to learn all I can about it. Every facet and every angle. I challenge myself to see different perspectives, see through different lenses, while also reading as much as I can about the topic.

When I started actively exploring BDSM, I learned as much as possible. Books, websites, podcasts, movies, I couldn't get enough information. I still feel like there is so much more to learn and discover. I find that exciting though, all the possibilities, I am one of those people that absolutely loves to learn.

Even though there was a ton of reading and researching about the lifestyle, safety, negotiation, various kinks; I didn't need to learn how to be a submissive. I just am.

I am also a leader, I am also a problem solver, I am creative, intuitive, I have boundaries, high expectations and standards. I do not kneel for "just anyone" but who does?

I see and here that so often from other submissives:

"I won't kneel for just anyone",

"I need a strong Dominant to break me",

"I want a Dominant strong enough to earn the "gift" of my submission",

"I will only kneel for the one who proves himself worthy"

None of that type of thinking resonates with me. At all. I don't believe submission is some sublime gift to be won.

I offer my submission when I am inspired. I kneel when I am inspired. What inspires me?

Intellect, kindness, self confidence, leadership, conversation, certain physical aspects and features, a sense of humor, goofiness, silliness, shared interests, a commanding presence, shared goals, shared kinks and desires, transparency, a good communicator and a filthy mind (I could go on and on) Someone who possesses all those qualities is rare. So no, I don't drop to my knees for "just anyone" but I won't fight them or my nature when they do arrive either.

I won't test them or make them jump through hoops to prove themselves, I don't believe in playing games like that.

Games where the Dominant is rewarded for being the Domliest Dom and "wins" the gift of "me". No thank you.

I whole heartedly believe in the depth and connection that power exchange offers. It is exactly that an "exchange". We both give, we both receive. I serve, love and worship. I give up control and I surrender. In exchange, I am protected, guided, so beautifully used, and loved. All the things that speak to my submissive heart. If the very things I long for are giving up control and surrendering myself why would I make the relationship/ dynamic more difficult by challenging it and my Dominant at every turn? I'd be stopping the very things I said I wanted. It leads to burn out and frustration on both sides of the slash very quickly.

One of the questions I ask myself when looking or considering how well I match with potential Dominants, Daddies etc, is "Does what he offers, and what I need line up", "What does he bring to the table?" But ALSO "What do I have to offer, will I meet his needs?"

I don't believe in any true way. But I do shake my head (just a little) at those who cause themselves such difficulty in achieving what they say want: a D/s dynamic where they can finally "give up control".

In the end, the dynamic will only be successful if when they kneel, there is actual surrender.