Breadcrumbs Look Like a Meal When You're Starving

Breadcrumbing is a behavior in which one person provides just enough energy, time, attention, affection, or words of affirmation to another person to supply some aspects of being in a relationship. The other person, though, is left wanting.

I’ve seen breadcrumbing described as a form of manipulation, and I agree. I don’t think it’s always deliberate or maliciously done- but regardless of the motive, it’s hurtful.

Some signs of breadcrumbing:

They talk to you when they need something - whether that is support, sex, or they’re bored. But they are rarely available when you need them.

They tell you how much you mean to them, but they fail to follow through in making plans. They’re inconsistent, and their words rarely match their actions.

The conversations often center around them, their interests, and their desires.

The conversations are predominately sexual (though not negotiated that way)

You feel bad about yourself after talking to or spending time with them. People who value you don’t treat you in a way that makes you feel less than or worthless.

They make you feel too needy or too much while feeling like you’re not good enough.

They suddenly become interested in what you have to say and what you’re up to once you distance yourself from them.

You deserve more than being kept on the sidelines or given breadcrumbs. Bread crumbs can feel like a meal when you’re starving (when you’re lonely) - because you think it’s better than nothing. You tell yourself that being seen and wanted sometimes is better than being completely invisible.

But do they see you? Do they want you? (they don’t)

We all have times when we are busy and bogged down with life. When we withdraw and are out of emotional bandwidth to be there for others- that’s understandable, and hopefully, if someone is going through this, they can communicate and tell you that’s what’s going on.

But repeating behaviors and a pattern of breadcrumbing speaks to how they feel/think about you.

Society often tells us that being alone is one of the worst things. There are feelings of shame around it. There are feelings of being unwanted. But being alone is not the same as being lonely.

What if I told you that creating boundaries for how others treat you, communicating your needs and desires, and what you will and will not accept from someone allows you to make space in your life for someone who wants that space? For someone who does want to see you and spend time with you. Someone who will value your energy, support, and love.

It might take time to find them. I wish I could tell you the places you could go where you would be guaranteed to meet people like this - but I don’t have the answers. Until then, fill yourself with things that make you feel good about yourself.

You are worth more than breadcrumbs. You deserve a whole five-course meal.

Don’t settle for crumbs.

Don’t let someone treat you like you don’t matter.

Because you do.

You matter.