The Problem with Fairytales

I spent my childhood with my nose in a book, safely escaping my surroundings. I was a girl brought up on fairytales and happily-ever-afters. I dreamt about a true love kiss and love everlasting. I believed all monsters could be slain, all quests would be successful, and good would always triumph over evil. So I disappeared into the characters of those stories. They gave me hope when the real world crashed in on me daily.

I've been thinking about the messages in some of those books and the media around us.

Beauty and the Beast was always my favourite. Belle was my favourite princess.

Aside from the fact that she loved books as much as I did and the incredible library she was gifted with, I always felt she was strong, defiant in some ways, and more independent than the other storybook princesses. I liked that about her.

I also loved the contrast between Gaston and the Beast. Gaston was popular and handsome but superficial and arrogant. The beast seemed so misunderstood. I loved that Belle could see the good in him even though others struggled to, even when he considered himself a monster- she saw beyond that.

Somehow, I overlooked the parts of the story where he held her prisoner against her will. Where she was coerced into spending time with him. How he deceived her and didn't share his true intentions. He manipulated her to get what he wanted, win her love, and finally have the power he needed to be free from the terrible curse. Everything he did was a lie.

It's all very romanticized, isn't it? Belle saves him in so many ways because she stays; she's so devoted she even returns to her captor and sets him free with the love and light in her heart.

She loved him, and she was loyal, so he changed from the "beast" into a prince. They got their happily ever after.

Quite the message.

The real world is often romanticized too.

If we love someone enough, show our devotion, and sacrifice ourselves- somehow, someway, the people hurting us will see the error of their ways and transform into someone who loves and treats us well.

We think it will work in the same way.

But you learn that some people lie and manipulate to get what they want. They build you up in some moments just to tear you down in others. They devalue you, dehumanize you - break you. They hurt you in ways you can't even imagine that you can't even bring yourself to talk about. Yet, you can love them while they watch you bleed out. You can die inside while breathing life into them, and it changes absolutely nothing. We are conditioned to be loyal while being abused.

How many times do I need to learn the lesson that looking for the best in others doesn't work when sometimes there is no best to be found?

Because the truth is-

fairytales don’t exist but monsters are real.