Domestic/Interpersonal Violence Resources
Have you ever asked yourself-
"Am I being abused?"
Have you tried to convince yourself that you deserved it? That this person who you love and trust couldn't possibly be purposely harming you?
You aren't alone.
There are typically five main types of domestic violence, though they can overlap and meld together , making it confusing for a victim to understand exactly what’s happening (an abuser can use more than one type at the same time)
An abuser may use the following types of abuse to control a victim:
Physical Abuse (hitting, pushing, strangulation, using a weapon)
Psychological/Emotional/Verbal Abuse (name-calling, degradation, stalking, threats of violence, isolation)
Sexual Abuse (forced sexual contact)
Financial Abuse (controlling money, preventing a survivor from having a job)
Spiritual Abuse (preventing or forcing religious beliefs)
Some Statistics: (Canadian Stats)
More than 4 in 10 women have experienced some form of intimate partner violence (IPV) in their lifetimes.
In 2018, 44% of women reported experiencing some form of psychological, physical, or sexual violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes (Statistics Canada, 2021). Research shows that “women disproportionately experience the most severe forms of IPV, such as being choked, being assaulted or threatened with a weapon, or being sexually assaulted” (Adam Cotter, Canadian Centre for Justice and Community Safety Statistics, 2021).
Approximately every six days, a woman in Canada is killed by her intimate partner (Joel Roy and Sharon Marcellus, Statistics Canada, 2019).
Violence in the context of an intimate partner or spousal relationship can have immediate and long-term adverse physical and psychological consequences for victims (Brown et al. 2015; Dim 2021; Dutton et al. 2006; Public Health Agency of Canada 2016), and children who are exposed to such violence have higher rates of violent victimization later in life (Burczycka 2017; Cotter 2021a; Cotter 2021c).
Further, in addition to individual impacts, there is a public cost of such violence for communities and society as a whole as health care, social support and legal systems must respond (Barrett et al. 2021; Demaris and Kaukinen 2005; Public Health Agency of Canada 2016).
It should be noted that, while intimate partner violence and spousal violence are largely considered to be a form of gender-based violence perpetrated by men against women, such violence—for both victims and perpetrators—is not limited to those of one gender or sexual orientation (Dim 2021; Oliffe et al. 2014; Public Health Agency of Canada 2009).
For a further look at stats: Source
RESOURCES IN CANADA:
National Services & Resources
ShelterSafe.ca provides information to help connect women and their children across Canada with the nearest shelter for safety and support.
Kids Help Phone allows you to chat with a trained volunteer crisis responder for support any time, about anything, via text message.
MyPlan Canada is a free app to help you with your safety and well-being if you have experienced abuse from a current or past spouse, partner or boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s private, secure, personalized and backed by research.
Provincial and Territory Crisis Lines
Alberta
Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters: 1-866-331-3933
Family Violence Info Line: 780-310-1818
Abuse helpline: 1-855-4HELPAB (1-855-443-5722)
Child abuse hotline: 1-800-387-KIDS (5437)
British Columbia
VictimLink BC: 1-800-563-0808 / TTY 604-875-0885 | Text: 1-800-563-0808
HealthLink BC at 811 or 711 for people who are deaf and hard of hearing
Battered Women’s Support Services (BWSS) crisis line: 604-652-1867 / Toll free at 1-855-687-1868
Manitoba
Province-wide family violence helpline: 1-877-977-0007 / TTY 1-888-987-2829
Manitoba Advocate for Children and Youth: 1-800-263-7146
Canadian Centre for Child Protectio:204-945-5735 / 1-800-532-9135
New Brunswick
Women’s Equality: Violence Prevention and Community Partnerships: 506-453-8126 / Toll free at 1-877-253-0266
Women in Transition House Inc.: 506-459-2300 | Text: 506-260-9297
Newfoundland and Labrador
Domestic violence help line:1-888-709-7090
The Women's Centre: 709-753-0220
Northwest Territories
NWT Help Line: 1-866-223-7775
YWCA – Toll free at 1-866-223-7775 | 1-867-873-8257 in Yellowknife
Nova Scotia
Crisis services available by call or text at 211 | Toll free at 1-855-466-4994
Provincial Domestic Violence Line: 1-855-225-0220
Nunavut
Baffin Regional Agvvik Society – Qimaavik Transition House (Iqualuit) 24/7 crisis line, in both English and Inuktitut: 867-979-4500
Cambridge Bay, St. Michael’s Crisis Shelter: 867-983-5232
Kugaaruk Family Violence Centre: 867-769-610
Kugluktuk Women's Crisis Centre: 867-982-3210
Rankin Inlet, Kataujaq Society Shelter: 867-645-2214
Ontario
Assaulted Women’s Helpline (Available in more than 100 different languages including 17 Aboriginal languages): 1-866-863-0511/ TTY 1-866-863-7868
Fem’aide: Toll-free: 1-877-336-2433 / TTY 1-866-860-7082
Talk4Healing - 24/7, crisis counselling, advice and support for Indigenous women and their families. Support is available in English, Ojibway, Oji-Cree and Cree: Toll free: 1-855-554-4325 (1-855-554-HEAL)
Anishnaabe Kwewag Gamig Northern Ontario First Nations crisis line: 1-800-388-5171
Prince Edward Island
Island Help Line: 1-800-218-2885
PEI Family Violence Prevention Services: 1-800-240-9894 | Charlottetown: 902-892-0960 | West Prince: 902-859-8849 | East Prince: 902-436-0517 | Eastern PEI: 902-838-0795 | Queens County: 902-566-1480
Quebec
SOS violence conjugale: 1-800-363-9010
Your neighbourhood CLSC: 811
CAVA: Central Montréal (Métro Beaubien) Phone: 514-277-9860 | Eastern Montréal (Métro Cadillac) Phone: 514-645-9333 | Western Montréal (Métro Du Collège) Phone: 514-744-5048
Saskatchewan
Abused Women’s Crisis Line: 1-888-338-0880
North East Crisis Line: 1-800-611-6349 or 1-800-668-6868
YWCA Regina Isabel Johnson Shelter: 306-525-2141
Saskatoon Interval House:1-888-338-0880
Yukon
VictimLink BC – 1-800-563-0808 / TTY 604-875-0885 | Text 604-836-6381
Betty's Haven (Whitehorse): 867-633-7720 | Crisis line: 867-668-5733
Dawson City Women's Shelter: 867-993-5086
Help and Hope For Families (Watson Lake): 867-536-7233
Source: www.domesticshelters.org
If you don’t live in Canada and need assistance, Kynk 101 has a list of international resources: Help is Here
One thing that continues to help me process the hard things in my life -is knowledge. I find power in it. I read and research - it helps keep me grounded in facts (often needed if you’ve experienced gaslighting), it also helps me feel less alone. Here are some books that I've read or that have been recommended to me, in case they might help you too:
Book Recommendations:
No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us – By Rachel Louise Snyder
Through the stories of victims, perpetrators, law enforcement, and reform movements from across the country, Snyder explores the real roots of private violence, its far-reaching consequences for society, and what it will take to truly address it.
Why Does He Do That? - Inside the Minds of Angry Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
In this book, Lundy Bancroft - a counseller who specializes in working with abusive men - uses his knowledge about how abusers think, to illustrate what often drives their behaviour. This book really helped me begin to shift the self blame I was feeling onto the person who actually is to blame.
Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman
In Trauma and Recovery, psychiatrist Judith Herman, places individual experience in a broader politcal frame. She argues, that psychological trauma is inseperable from its social and politcal context. She redefines how we think about and treat victims of trauma.
Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship
by Lisa Aronson Fontes.
“When you are showered with attention, it can feel incredibly romantic and can blind you to hints of problems ahead. But what happens when attentiveness becomes domination? In some relationships, the desire to control leads to jealousy, gaslighting, threats, micromanaging--even physical violence. If you or someone you care about are trapped in a web of coercive control, this book provides answers, hope, and a way out.” - This book helped me understand what coercive control is, and what it can look like within relationships.
See What You Made Me Do: The Dangers of Domestic Abuse That We Ignore, Explain Away, or Refuse to See by Jess Hill
“We fear dark alleys, when in truth, home is the most dangerous place for a woman. Of the 87,000 women killed globally in 2017, more than a third (30,000) were killed by an intimate partner, and another 20,000 were killed by a family member. These statistics tell us something that's almost impossible to grapple with: it's not the stranger in the dark women should fear, but the men they fall in love with.” - This is a MUST read. I have so much of it highlighted because so much of it was relevant to what I experienced.
Podcasts:
Narcissist Apocalypse is a storytelling podcast that gives a voice to survivors of abuse. Through the power of story, our community helps educate, heal, and make you feel less alone.
Another that may be tough for some survivors to listen to, but this captivating series features inspiring survivors of all types of trauma telling their first-hand stories of perseverance.
This series the specific tactics used by abusers to lure and trap their victims in toxic relationships
If you’re reading this, please know, you’re not alone. It’s not your fault. You do not deserve to be harmed. You are worthy of love and safety.