The Possible Long Term Effects of Orgasm Control

Have you thought about the long-term (possible) consequences of handing over control of your orgasms to your partner?

I want to preface this by saying I am not kink-shaming - I think orgasm control, denial, and orgasm training are incredibly hot. They were some of my favourite kinks. But I wish I had known about the possible lasting effects of giving over that kind of power.

I believe in informed consent and practice RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). Educating yourself on best practices and risk mitigation is as much a submissives' responsibility as the Dominants'.

I never imagined the risks involved in this type of play. I'd never seen anything written about it before; I admit that I didn't dive deeply into researching it- I wish I had.

Everything we do in BDSM has risks. EVERYTHING. Play can cause temporary injuries that you and your partner can work through together; some cause pain that lasts even long after the dynamic has ended.

Many of us want to believe in "forever ." We rarely enter into these deeply connected dynamics, especially with high levels of power exchange, thinking we'll go our separate ways after a year or two. When I knelt and offered my submission, I 100% believed it was for always.

-it wasn't.

My orgasms were his. I didn't cum without permission. I didn't cum without his presence, voice, or at least his photo if we weren't together physically. And it was HOT. The begging and denial, the teetering right on edge - being so owned that my pleasure depended entirely on what he wanted --- HOT.

And then we ended. It was over, and I needed to contend with the emotional heartbreak and pain and the harsh realization that my body was no longer mine.

My arousal, my ability to orgasm, was tied to him. I needed to think about him or look at videos or photos of us to become aroused. For orgasm, it was the same. It's painful to deal with heartbreak and realize that your sexuality is now connected with your ex-partner, especially if the ending was hard.

I've made progress. Arousal on my own is becoming easier, though images of him still flicker on the outskirts of my mind. But orgasm is another matter altogether. I'm working on it, but it's frustrating and painful work.

I wish I had known this could happen.

Honestly, I don't know if knowing would have made a difference because I believed in "forever" then. Would knowing have helped the place I'm in now? Maybe not- I'd be even harder on myself for making a risky decision. It's hard to say.

You may decide it's worth the risk for you, and I respect that; of course, not everyone will even struggle with what I'm experiencing, but it's possible.

I wanted to share what has happened to me to help others. (I hope it does)

Orgasm control is a kink that I loved and enjoyed so much.

But I'll likely never play that way again.